Its who you know

Gather round children and lets explore the world of big budget production. 6am I meet Matey. Matey is slumped against the side of the dining bus, ciggy in his mouth that hides the still prominent gurn. He’s talking into a radio that has 3rd AD written on it. Matey’s passion isn’t film but his daddy couldn’t stand the smells that were coming out of his bedroom anymore. So daddy picks up his phone and calls a contact. Ring ring. ‘Hello Mr Producer speaking’ ‘Mr Producer this is daddy, Matey is a fuck up what can you do for him?’ ‘Well daddy I’ll stick him as a third on one of my productions, it’s basically a role that anyone can do, you just make some extras stand or cross in the background.’ ‘Cheers Mr Producer I owe you a line.’

Runner then skips over, masking how knackered he is and hands a coffee to Matey with a smile. I ask Runner how long he’s been doing this for. ‘2 years, I’m hoping to step up to 3rd soon’ I shut my eyes and go to my happy place where Mr Producer is being rogered by a massive pickled cucumber. Fuck gherkins!

S